Submit. It doesn’t sound difficult so why is it? I’m finding the ongoing battle with my thoughts exhausting. How easily my gaze focuses on what I don’t have, how difficult life is, how overwhelming it is to be a single parent, the list goes on and on. I am frustrated with the thoughts, the stupidity and I become resistant to God and plummet into self-pity.
It happens so quickly and I stay there for days rebelling against everything. I am miserable and depressed, complaining and snippy. My good friend, Marian asked me, “are you praying about this?” And in that moment the light goes on and I realize, no I haven’t prayed… I’ve only complained!
As I began to pray, my Heavenly Father, in His kindness, shows me that I am unhappy with where He has placed me, the life He has ordained for me. Do I trust Him? Do I trust His goodness? Am I willing to walk and live this life He has assigned me? This is HIS plan not mine. I don’t understand it, and some days I don’t like His plan, but will I trust it?
I think I will but still, a piece of my heart is holding out. Then I read Philippians 1:27 “be sure… that your manner of life is worthy of the Gospel.” I haven’t been living worthy of the Gospel… I’ve been complaining! When Jesus hung on the cross dying for me, He did not complain. He willingly gave His life to rescue me from this very sin! My gratitude for what Christ did MUST change my view of this life. And when my view is correctly focused it changes everything.
The circumstances are the same, nothing there has changed. But my hope has changed. My hope is no longer in how comfortable my life is or what I have but in my Savior and what He has accomplished on my behalf. Not only for this life but for the life to come. In this moment of submission to the plan that God has sovereignly willed for me, I am no longer depressed and miserable. I have hope and joy and peace and strength and resolve! Just like that, in an instant! After days of struggle, misery, and fighting, God changes it all in an instant.
I’m incredibly grateful that my Savior is so patient with me and loves me. I am also thankful for the many wonderful people in my life that help me walk through the good, the bad and the ugly. I am submitting to His sovereign will and plan for my life and desire to live in a manner worthy of the Gospel!
Hope. Strength. Peace.
Liz Beck, President, Redeemed2Repeat, Inc.